weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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