There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
