Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
