I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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