She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up backwards on a recliner
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
