k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The air taste purple.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
