come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
