my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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