WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
