i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize