that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
