Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Randomize
