I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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