We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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