mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
FUCK WHALES
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
