One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
