ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My ass is underappreciated
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
