i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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