Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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