My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
