I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
