If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize