i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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