dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
