You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
