my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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