Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
