Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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