there's paper in my vomit.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
