yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
