Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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