Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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