I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
should my penis look like a turkey
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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