i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
