One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
