it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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