My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
