O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
