i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
