She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
