If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
