I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
