Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
