If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
