She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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