Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
