I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize