Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's blow job season.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
