bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
