you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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