She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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