Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't put those talents on a resume
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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