AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
