i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
