I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Everyone says I win the strip club
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
