3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just invented taco cereal.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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