The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
