The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
