Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
