They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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