Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I enjoy the company of your penis
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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