just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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