u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
