He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
