So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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