if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
