69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what day is it and did you see me today?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
