I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize