i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
