You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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