are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
