If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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