Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
