i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
