one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
