Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
