Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
