Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
