dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
