I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
