i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
