when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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