Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
