yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
