drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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