soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When are your genitals available?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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