Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
