All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
