Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
