If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
