They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
