perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
