awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
