so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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