Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
