Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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