She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
