I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
