if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
