I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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