1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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